By D. Kendall

Standing at a microphone during the recent Language of Respect Coalition’s inaugural Town Meeting at Rutgers University in New Brunswick an exceptionally bright fifth-grade student poured out her heart and her hurt to the crowded room. The little girl cried, struggling to express the painful experience of being called derogatory names. With earnestness, she described her struggle to maintain a healthy self-esteem despite negativity from her peers. That 10-year old wanted the audience of mostly adults, with a sprinkling of high school and college students, to remember that words hurt younger children too.

Not only did she bring the audience to its feet in resounding applause, but this brave young lady also motivated others to keep striving for progress. Rev. Dr. DeForest B. Soaries Jr., the senior pastor of the First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset, New Jersey, reflected on the young girl’s remarks and later announced that he had decided to continue the fight that started when his telephone rang a few weeks prior.

 The call came from a member his congregation, Rutgers University Women’s Basketball Coach C. Vivian Stringer. She wanted to discuss the insulting, insensitive remarks shock jock Don Imus had spouted about the Rutgers women’s basketball team during his nationally syndicated televised radio program. They discussed the implications of the statements and how the words impacted all women.

 Although Rev. Soaries has spent much of his life helping others fight for justice and opportunity, he was not looking to pick up his ‘marching shoes” he told me. “This thing just fell in my lap. Somebody had to speak. This was national,” he said.

Rev. Soaries says he initially told Rev. Al Sharpton “Al, I am not marching any more.”  The two have since joined forces. The Soaries family knew Coach Stringer and her family before Imus uttered a negative word about the team. They went the distance to cheer on the team, particularly at the end of their Big East play-off season. They drove to Philadelphia International Airport, flew to Pittsburgh and drove two hours to Cleveland in a rental car to attend one game.

So the nation was outraged and unity made a difference. Imus was fired, but steps are now being taken to get to the core of the problem “now that Mr. Imus has filed a lawsuit against CBS for a creating contractual obligations that almost require him to use irreverent language. If Imus was a bad apple, then maybe he came from a bad tree,” said Rev. Soaries. “We may have a bigger, systemic problem,” he said referring to the possibility that “rewards for insulting people” may have been offered by the radio station.

Legal steps are being taken to investigate this further, and a group has been formed to encourage students, community leaders, ministers, elected officials and the public to take the Language of Respect Pledge and participate in the Language of Respect Coalition. The coalition was established to engage individuals in dialogue, raise sensibilities and create a strategy for change. Ultimately, the coalition seeks to encourage people to use language that promotes respect and dignity. During the town meeting and panel discussion, ministers, community leaders and college students shared thoughts on many topics including the use of derogatory words as terms of endearment.

 As he sat there in the town meeting Soaries says, “ I was almost overwhelmed by the complexity of this challenge. The size of the challenge is so enormous due to such a breakdown in our culture. It was critical that we hear from young people.” Although Martin one of his twin sons (the other is Malcolm) was a panelist, Rev. Soaries said, the high school and college students on the panel “do not reflect our nagging reality.” He believes future town meetings will need to bring out a cross-section of young people, music industry executives and rap artists to discuss language, culture, respect and dignity.

“You can’t complain about what others do to you and ignore what harm you do to yourself,” said Rev. Soaries, a former New Jersey Secretary of State who was appointed by former Governor Christine Todd Whitman.

He believes many young people in the African American community are desensitized to the offensive words, their meaning and the history associated with them. The problem stems from within he believes. Referring to a breakdown of the family structure and core values, Rev. Soaries suggests that the church community and the school systems must take action and move towards being a catalyst for change in this fight for decency and civility.
 
This brief profile can hardly describe the challenges he and others face in their quest to make progress. However, Rev. Soaries will press on as he marches towards his calling, his passion and his purpose. “Ultimately,” he concluded, “I don’t want to be remembered for what I said. I want to be remembered for what I did…I work hard to do what I say, finish what I start and admit when I make a mistake. Integrity is the highest goal.”